Deep down inside

It’s been a long while now and I know I owe myself a big time to writing a decent post on how I’m feeling lately and not just pasting some random dull photos that don’t reflect my two cents at all.

I was actually concentrating on my academic essay until I realised that I just couldn’t continue anymore. My mind’s clouded by what’s been happening lately.

It’s the third semester now and I expect my life to sail smoother after two semesters of getting used to everything but no, there are even more ups and downs.

Firstly, the h- people. I’ve been on this since forever but they just can’t seem to get over it. These people irk me to no end with their endless complaints about everything possible – assignments, classmates, hair, nostrils, sleep, cockcroaches, money, toilet, food, brush.

They don’t listen to your opinions because what do I know? But when they fail, they start whining to you.

You know what? I hate to say I told you so. I just want to laugh at you now. Really. You amuse me.

They’re channeling all the bad chi to me. When they complain to me, I start complaining to other people. They badmouth about every single person they know, leaving me with very bad impressions on those involved and later become best friends with them.

What am I supposed to do then? How should I react next?

And punctuation. I don’t even want to think about this. Every day I wake up to find myself waiting for someone to finish doing something without caring about my schedule. So full of themselves and their so-called important tasks.

Because you’re unimportant like that.

Your time means nothing to them. I crawl to class late most of the time. When they give a specific time it only means plus 15-45 minutes.

What’s the point of setting the time then?

There are also people who only talk to you when they need something from you. They only seem like they’re good with you but they’re really not.

They give candies to other people and crap to you.

When you want to talk to them, pfttt gone like that. A word of no and bye and they’re back to their own wonderful world. They bang the door on you.

When they want you they come crawling back to you asking for help and a laugh here and there.

I don’t want your fake smile. I don’t need your concern that’s followed by requests.

Some people you are starting to trust leave you behind just like that. Or broken promises thrown everywhere. Because they don’t mean a single word they say.

And what’s worse?

You keep hearing people with the look, body, brain, cash and bf/gf complaining about their imperfect lives.

So full of shit.

I know I am becoming more selfish and bitchy. I am training myself to be more patient and mature but end up being more grungy and hot-headed. I throw tantrums on those closest to me and then I start blaming and hating myself for being such a monster.

There is not one moment that I feel worthy at all. I feel myself shrinking all the time. Sooner or later I will be as insignificant as dust.

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